Excuses for Not coming in........

Excuses to use when caught sleeping

If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

Plan ahead! Pregnant then take the Family Leave.

Have to wash my hair

My car needs an oil change.

Food poisoning  

Become a "Tourist," i.e., a person who takes a company class just to get away from cube boredom!

Hack into the database of your company and edit the number of leave days you have

If you lift up a really heavy box at work just the right way, it could get you 45 days off from work

Find an unscrupulous doctor. Pay him to e-mail your boss an excuse. Then form a partnership with the doctor and start bilking your health insurance company. FORE!!!

Convert to the proper religion/philosophy/ethnicity and celebrate Hannuka, Christmas, Ramadan, Kwaanza, and the Solstice. If questioned, threaten a lawsuit for being discriminated against due to your religion/philosophy/ethnicity

 Go to Federal Court and beg for jury duty.

Take off all your clothes, rub yourself with cheez-whiz and sit in your cube singing Barney songs...that should be a quick ticket home.

 Mention the word "bomb" at airport security. (Six months paid lodging and time off work, alright.)

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

My stigmata's acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.

One day should do it. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates

My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.

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Can you come up with some excuses? Let me know: jobssuck@hotmail.com