What Classified Ad really means…..

 

Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.  Beware of these terms when interviewing.



"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.



"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.



"IMMEDIATE OPENING:" The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago.  We're just now running the ad.



"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:" We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.



"SELF-MOTIVATED:" Management won't answer questions.



"PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS:" After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, if you behave, we'll give you a 5 percent matching contribution.



"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:"  After 90 days, you can join our HMO,which has a $500 deductible and a $25 co-pay



"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.



"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.



"COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:" We have a lot of turnover



"EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT:" Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts.



"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes



"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.



"SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:" If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

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