Life in our modern world is hard. Every day we are faced with discouraging challenges that test our resolve and oftentimes leave us feeling pretty down in the dumps. This daily struggle can leave you with a lot of negative feelings, but you don’t have to let a negative attitude be a burden on you. Take it off your shoulders and put it under your feet as the foundation for your life! By following these steps you could have a better life as a hateur.
1. Think of something you don’t like. It can be a physical object, place, or even an idea. Now really think about it. Examine the dimensions and qualities of your object and the dislike you have for it. This will allow you to start hating it. The more common and everyday it is the better, as you are more likely to confront the familiar than the exotic.
2. Focus on the hate. Concentrate intensely on your hate for this thing. Let it distract you. When it begins to bar you from healthy sleep you will know you’re on the right track.
3. Use your hate to analyze your life. Contemplate how your object affects your life as a whole. Placing blame on it will both strengthen and diffuse your hate, creating a deficit in responsibility-thinking, take-charge behavior, and creativity. For this to work you must truly believe that this thing is ruining your life.
4. Stay in a haze of malaise. Unmotivated to do anything, you make time only for heavy drinking, complaining, and deep, soul-searching meditations about the object of your hate, why you hate it, and how it has wrecked your life. Reclusive habits are recommended but, or course, not required.
5. Engage in actively destructive behaviors. Binge drinking, unprotected sex with multiple anonymous partners, debt—these are among the fun activities you can rationalize as coping mechanisms!
6. Draw in those around you. By constantly talking with friends and family about your “problems,” especially by reframing their problems and experiences so they relate to yours, you will undoubtedly receive the kind of passive and polite reinforcement and enabling that you need to feel truly justified in your hate and the ways in which you “cope” with it.
If you have followed all of these steps then congratulations! You’re a hateur! Thus insulated in a cozy layer of hatred you are now ready to take on whatever the world throws at you! You will find that being a hateur provides you with ready explanations for just about everything you encounter in your daily life. No matter what it is, whether it’s your nagging boss, your aggravating parents, a difficult to understand lover, or even something as simple as a traffic light that stays red for too long, you will find that all of these frustrations can be traced back to that single thing you have chosen to ruin your life. If you suck at life at least you now have the comfort of grabbing it by the balls and pulling hard!
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© 2006 Damion Armentrout. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.