Many people do not know, but the tale of Rumplestiltskin is a lot like the life of famous religious guy Rasputin. They were both into controlling women, however one man respulsed one woman at a time while the latter attracted hundreds to thousands to him with his magic charisma. Both were involved with royal women, but one wanted her never to say his name and the latter preferred to hear her screaming it nightly. Rumplestiltskin was short, Rasputin was tall, yet both men were amply endowed. Both were handy with children, either stealing or healing them. Both were signed as unproven solo artists by David Geffen to his label where they both showed the listening public that their unique lyrical style and refined yet bold instrumentation was no less than grand and no greater than brilliant. Alan Rickman, who played the role of Rasputin, has probably heard the story of Rumplestiltskin. Both were magic.
Let's take a step back and look at the men individually.
Rumplestiltskin stole the queen's son when he was born in exchange for something he gave her. She had to spin gold until she could figure out what his name was, for upon uttering his name he would return her son. He came to her nightly and she would guess wrong and he'd take of and do things with her kid in the woods, which is where she heard him singing a song about his own name in the fashion of most current rap stars.
Rasputin was a crazy lunatic with charisma, a taste for the ladies, and a touch of the prophetic. He did something to cure some Russian prince of hemophilia and then had sex with every woman he could, especially members of the royal family. He was killed nine times but kept coming back to sex it up and and say cryptic things about God. Then the communists ruined everything.
Though these men faced very different challenges and one of them is made up I think you will find that there is much similarity between the two and that there is much to learn from them as well. From these men we learn that life is more than gold or genetic blood diseases, royalty, and god. Life is for taunting women, stealing babies, and using every means available to lure women onto your cock. Why this isn't taught in schools is beyond me, but when you vote for me this November you can be sure that I will be personally visiting class rooms around our city to make sure that every teacher is teaching this stuff to your kids.
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© 2006 Damion Armentrout. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.